So life after 40

Well it gets better and it gets worse.

I know more than I did even a year ago. I am more empathatic today than I was yesterday. When you are 20, life is black or it is white. When you are 40, the shades of gray abound. This is good.

So when you reach your 40's you begin to anticipate the end of your life. Will I get cancer? Will I see my children be grown?

I myself always joke about being 85, sitting on a porch, still with red hair and telling my friend...Remember when?

sometimes I get scared of not reaching 85. I am not scared of death. I am scared of not getting 85 years of life in.

But I have a friend who might not even get the chance to get as old as me. And that is even scarier. I am lucky and let me never forget it. She is also lucky that soooooo... many people care about her. I am not sure I would have the same response.

We have to look under the blankets for the best of each scenerio. I had more years...She had more friends.

No it isn't a contest but it is a part of who we each are.

For me...No I don't want to trade places. I realize I am so lucky to have my children (who are grown now and so I have seen that). Did I see my life without pain...absolutely not!

Am I as good as my friend....not in this world...I am not sure I know anyone more loving, and good as her.

Is it fair?

No

But I do know from past experience that life is not fair.

The rambling words of a woman over 40 who is experiencing the pain of a wonderful friend who got handed a really shitty hand in life.

Life after 40 right?